Saturday, September 24, 2005

It's Over

Yeah. So VP and I broke up. Actually, this is not the first time. The other times I kinda knew it wasn't really over - so I didn't post on it. Well, this time it's final. I think.

I hate those kinds of relationships that go back and forth, but it seems like those are the only kinds I have. And the only way I can move on (for good) is when I have someone else to distract me. I don't think that's healthy. When I was a freshman, I dated this guy, D, and we would 'stop talking' every week for about 8 months. When we finally stopped for good I met the 'former' love of my life, G.

When I first met G, I wasn't feeling him at all. As a freshman, I was only into guys that were 'cool' and with a certain status. They had to only were certain sneakers, and dress a certain way. G definately did not fit my ideal look. He dressed weird and wore the worst-looking sneakers. The ones that may be by Nike, but you buy them in a discount clothing store. I also, had not heard anything about him - so he obviously wasn't popular. D was completely different. He was a basketball player that was pretty popular with the girls, so I figured he was 'good' enough for me to date (yeah I had a big head; well, I still do but I am not as stupid) even though he was also known to sleep around a lot.

Little did I know, G really was well-known on campus for being a dog, as well. But I didn't know any of this until it was too late.

After meeting G and realizing that being with someone popular means bananas in the long run, I decided to just go ahead and MAKE it work. He gave me all the signs of being a potential husband. We would write each other bible verses and do bible study together, he respected my vow to celibacy and didn't pressure me about it (at first). He had a child with a girl before, but he had promised me that he was had been celibate for a while - and planned to be that way until he was married.

Like a fool, I believed every word that came out of his mouth. People tried to warn me that he was nothing but a dog and that he was still sleeping around. Yes, the guy that emailed me bible verses, and talked about celibacy and marriage. He even talked about becoming a preacher. So, I told them that the only way he could do all that and be straight up lying is if he is a Monster. And he can't be a monster because I KNOW him. But then again, he actually gave me a lot of signs that told me he wasn't being straight up.

Whenever G would go to visit his child, I never went. As a matter of fact he acted like his phone didn't work while he was out there. (And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to expose the child to Me because whenever his child came to visit him– I did hang out with them.) Then, when I wanted to see him the next day - he would act really shady. Another big indication that something was amiss was the way his roommate always treated me. When I would call and G couldn’t get to phone, his roommate would say that ‘he’s unavailable’. He would not tell me he wasn’t there or he was in the shower. Just: “he’s unavailable’. Which could mean some other chick was there or whatever. Also, if G’s roommate did not know that I was coming, I couldn’t come in until I was ‘cleared’. G’s roommate would call to G’s room and ask if he’s expecting me. He treated me like the unimportant chick I was. The last big warning that G gave me was the lack of phone calls. He would go days without calling me back (I remember once, it was 2 weeks).

But, na├»ve me, I stayed in it. His b-day is on Christmas, so of course I called him to say Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. He didn’t pick up so I left a message. He never called me back so I called that night – his inbox was full. So of course I am worried. He never called me until 2 days after Christmas and said he was so sick – he couldn’t pick up his phone. He said he had hemorrhoids. I believed him because he was getting sick and I had made an appointment with the doctor earlier that month.

So, I was miserable in believing all the lies. I didn’t want to believe anything bad about him unless I got ‘proof’. My mother finally told me that I am never going to find ‘proof’ unless I look for it. So, I did. You wouldn’t believe what I found (well, you probably would). I found a HUGE box of condoms – almost empty. I even checked the expiration date in case he tried to act like they were from his past. I found a vibrator under his bed. And I found a receipt for a cabin in the mountains dated Dec 24-Dec 26 (or somewhere around then). UmmHmm. So I asked him where he really was on Christmas. He asked me who I had been talking to. I told him I didn’t talk to anyone; I told him that I saw it on the receipt he kept in the drawer, when I was looking for some socks. Ok, so I lied.

G told me that the cabin was a Christmas present for his cousin, and that they wouldn't let him pay over the phone – that he had to be there in person so he drove up with his hemorrhoids (yes, he is still claiming that he had them at the time) just so that he can sign the credit card slip. Mmm. Yeah.

But anyway, this finally gave me the motivation to leave him for good. I admit it was really hard (I think because I didn’t have a distraction). As a matter of fact, I didn’t have anyone. It was when I got my very first apartment, by myself, and RS decided we couldn’t be friends. I had to really work on forgiving him. It is really hard to realize that someone you thought cared so much about you would do something like that to you. I was so mad. I wished that he would be miserable for the rest of his life. That is when I realized that up until that point – I never really had a relationship with God. Because I was alone, I had to deal with myself and my issues.

G says he is now happily married and his wife is pregnant. He says that he’s different and he has really changed for good. His wife is great. He says that "with every breath, she takes, she is seeking his approval".

So I think VP and I are finally over. For Good. At least for a long while. The problem seems to be that he is not ready for a serious relationship. I was his first girlfriend. I complained a lot and he complained that I complained a lot. So we are over. The sad thing is – I am not really sad. It was the easiest break-up ever. He was cool with it too. I should be upset that he was cool with it – but I am not.

How weird.


MHJONES said...

So what now?


Emma said...

You're right. It's not healthy to always need to be attached to someone else. See if you can manage to be on your own for a year or two and figure out who you are. Meanwhile, try lots of new things and meet lots of new people.

And for God's sake, stop running backwards or you'll never move forward.

Joseph J said...

Hey There Ayana,

Man, I'm glad you broke up with that dude. I saw the photo at 'Uncle Melvin's' House, and all I could think was.. the pickins must be getting thin out where Ayana lives. It's all good though. "NEXT!"

Ayana said...

Uncle Melvin, next, we will be just friends.

Hi Emma. Thanx for posting! :) Actually, I was single for a while before VP. You are right I shouldn't and I won't keep going back. As a matter of fact, the more I think about the break-up, the better I feel about it.

And Joseph, how mean!