Thursday, May 26, 2005

Love is...

a misunderstanding between two fools –says my grandfather. Although he isn’t considered the oracle of my dad’s family, he makes a great point.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to be tied to another person; to have to deal with their issues, background, worries, ect? To give up their ‘freedom’. Freedom of worries, of possible (hopefully, not probable) heartache, to date anyone you please. Who in the world would give someone else so much control over their emotions?

Only a person deficient in good judgment. Right?

Well, I’ve joined the legion of fools a couple of weeks ago. I became someone's ‘girlfriend’. I have given up my freedom. I have given someone control over my emotions.

Don’t think that it was easy. The guy (lets call him VP for very persistent) had been 'just a friend' for a while. Even though I knew he liked me in ‘that way’. I had nothing for him, but a platonic friendship. I found a ton of reasons not to like him – he’s younger than me (even though he is the most mature non-40+ year old that I have ever met), he doesn’t smooth talk, or have any kind of decent swagger (even though these qualities are completely useless in a healthy relationship); The bottom line was – which I told him on many occasions was – I just didn’t ‘LIKE’ him like that. And that was final.

You would think VP, would leave someone like me alone. With my ‘correctness’ (cause yes, I correct him too), my crazy emotions, my sensitivity, my overly logical explanations, my bluntness. You would think that he would just say, “Hey, YOU are rejecting me!? Ok, you’re the one missing out!”

Or you would think that I would say “Hey, guy, quit pestering me”. But VP has such a great personality and easy to talk to. We would talk for hours on end – and still not want to hang up – and it wouldn’t even be about mushy stuff because we weren’t dating.

But eventually, he wore down my resolve with his great qualities.

The best thing about him is his intelligence. I know that when I am talking it can be a little hard to keep up. I am random, I talk fast, and I say everything at once (I am better with writing) – especially if I am emotional. But not only does he keep up – he is able to completely comprehend what I am trying to say – then add to it to make it clearer… to me!

He must have the most integrity I have EVER seen. Hands down.

And his family is amazing. They are upright Christians who have raised him well. His mother is an astounding cook. She is splendidly skilled in sewing, crocheting, knitting, baking, or any other thing she puts her mind to (then she takes the time to teach me - or anyone who wants to know!). His father is extremely intelligent as well – and very humorous. His sister is fun and easy going. Whenever I go to his parents’ house – which is often when he isn’t even there, I have a great time and stay much longer than I should.

VP is also one of the rare Christians that I know who reads the bible as a text book – and not a book of poems (where scripture means different things to different people at different times). This is the kind of man that I can follow.

This is the best relationship choice that I have ever made. I usually pick the ‘wrong’ guys. Picking those losers allowed me to know what to look for.

So if you are intent on not using good judgment and joining the ranks of millions of other crazy Americans, getting into relationships, please consider a few words of advice from someone who has made more than her fair share of unwise decisions regarding relationships.

Take it sloooow. You find out a lot about a person over time. I know this is easier said than done. If he likes you, and you like him, why not? Right?

Wrong. The longer you make a guy wait (and work) for you, the more he will value you. And if he doesn’t stay around for that long, then he doesn’t like you enough, anyway. Drop him.

You should also stay away from guys that are not true to their word. If he is not a man of his word – he is not a man.

Do a background check. Find out who his friends are. If they are cheaters, losers, and/or liars – it is very probably that he is too. I know that most people don’t think about this but: Check out his family. Where he comes from, has a lot to do with where he is. Also, pay close attention to the way he treats you in regards to his family – especially if he is close to his family. If his family doesn’t know you, you may not be as important in his life as you would like to believe.

If you are smart, you will at least consider the advice. If you are smarter, you will stay single.


Anonymous said...

I disagree with if you are smart you will stay single. But I agree with taking it slooooow. As a rule, Ladies, it takes 3 months for a man to show is true colors. So if you are doing too much that makes you too emotional over him then that is why you feel like there is no one out there. B/c guess what? The good guys are weedking out the bad girls too. And maybe you are a bad girl. Oh, and for the fellas, is does take a woman about 3 months to show her true colors too. People try to appear perfect at first but give them time....and you will see.

Ayana said...

The first deleted message is being replaced by:

- -!!!
Way to go, VP!!!
Hey, Ayana.
What's new? How's the new job? I must have an update on this. Are you even going to come back to - next year? Have a few comments about your latest entry, but I'll hold off on them for now. Your entries are too long. How 'bout some cliff's notes? Anyway, don't forget to save me some room at -!!!
Take care

TNorwood said...

Now where does love fit into this picture you painted?

JohnJ said...

I think relationships are a beautiful thing. Sure you may have to compromise on a few things (because you'll never meet someone whose beliefs and judgement systems are identical to yours), you'll have to put up with a few things that irk you, and you'll be bonded to that person for an extended period of time, but a relationship, to me, is well worth it. You get to spend your life with someone you are physically, intellectually, emotionall, and personally attracted to. It's like a contract with the best of friends, saying that you'll be there no matter what, and that you two have your hearts mutually invested in one another. To me, it doesn't get any better than that. I mean, I'm currently single, but I have experienced the beauty of relationships in both my own life and that of others. And I must admit that being single has its priviledges, but I'd much rather be in a relationship. Even God said that it is not good for man to be alone. But as Ayana has concluded, I am not trying to rush into a mistake. I will take my time and get to really KNOW that woman before I even consider engaging in a relationship with her.