Sunday, April 10, 2005

Forever Single

I may never get married. I am only attracted to the wrong guys. I like guys with charisma - like my dad. Apparently, a lot of girls like this type of guy, but unfortuanately, this type of guy usually likes a lot of girls. And I have to admit - my dad is not hurting when it comes to women. (My parents are divorced.) He gets plenty of them.

I like the smooth talkers. I know that when a guy is talking smooth, he is probably talking trash. My dad is definitely a smooth talker. I have seen (and heard) him in action. Trash.

You would think that we women like the trash talkers because we actually believe what the guy is saying. That we believe that we really are ‘the one’ for him. That we really are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. That he really is ‘developing some deep feelings for us. But now, I am thinking that is not the case (for me, anyway). I like the smooth talkers soley, because of the smoothness (trash).

And only if they really are smooth. I don’t like the “Hey, do you want a friend?” I am thinking: What are you going to base the friendship on – the fact that you are attracted to me? Some deep relationship that will be. Some guys just right off the bat, ask me for my number. “Ok, guy. Even though I don’t know you, nor anything about you – not even your name, but here is my home telephone number. I look forward to your phone call.” Yeah. Right. But, obviously, some girls respond to this. Otherwise, why would guys try it. Sorry, I am not one of those girls.

I like guys that walk with confidence, like my dad. Wherever he goes, people stop to speak to him. Why? He doesn’t drive a fancy car, he doesn’t live in a fancy house he doesn’t even have to be dressed nicely - but people are drawn to him - because of his walk – or shall we say: swagger. Well, it also could be because he is attractive. I may be biased, but I think my dad looks pretty decent for an old guy. He has a bald head and a white (or silver) goatee. In any case, people speak to him like he is a mayor - and he walks like it too. I am definitely attracted to guys with the swagger.

However, neither of these qualities are useful in a successful relationship. If anything these qualities can hinder a successful relationship. How can I grow with a guy that only wants to say things to make me feel good - and not be honest enough to tell me the ugly truth. And, if a guy has a pretty decent swagger, he is attracting a lot of women – that can not be good for the relationship.

Hence my conclusion, I may never get married, unless I change my taste or meet an upright-smooth-talking-swaggering-honest-to-goodness-Christian.


John said...

I too have wondered why is it that the good girls go for the bad guys. It seems like it's some kind of phenomena or something in that the good girls gravitate to the bad guys. They know that they are no good for them (and no good in general) and will ultimately lead to strife, disappointment, and a bitter breakup, but yet the go searching for the 'bad guy'. I guess there are many reasons that can be extrapolated. Maybe the woman sees a sense of security and protection in a guy who exerts himself as being "macho" or very "masculine", knowing that he will protect her in the time of need. But I feel that a true man need not TRY to exert an aura of masculinity or "machismo", because that would be artificial if you're having having to make yourself appear to be a certain way. Now, confidence, on the other hand, is a different thing. There is nothing wrong with being confident (except when you're over-confident to the point where you are cocky and obstinate). But confidence is something that should be admirable in both men and women. Confidence is true security, unlike the shallow, vacuous potrayal of "machismo". If you find a man that is both confidence in you as well as himself, you've found a catch.

Another possible reason is that some women may feel a need for some adventure in their lives or the need to take a "risk". I mean, you take a risk with every relationship and every relationship is an adventure in some shape or form, but at least with a good guy, the chances are better that you will not be wasting time on some philandering jerk, there will be significantly less drama, you won't have to look over your shoulders every minute to see if he's trying to "holla" at some other woman, and mostly important, you will be treated right and with respect. Why do some women put themselves into one mess after another when they know what the outcome will be like?

One more possible reason could be that the woman has low self-esteem; therefore, she lowers her own standards thinking that she could not possibly find a better "catch". I tell all of my friend whenever they need advice on decision making (as we ALL need advice from time to time from ones we trust) to never "settle" for anything, but to go with their heart's desires. It is never good to 'second guess' yourself, because it will often lead to failure, regret, and disappointment. And even if things do not turn out the way you want, at least you will have learned valuable experience that you can use for yourself in the future and/or to help others who are walking in the same path that you once traveled. Ones with low self-esteem should try to find a peace with God and with themselves. Because there cannot be any true happiness in a mind and heart that is void of God.

And finally (although I am sure there are many other explanations that I have not been able to place my finger on), I believe that some women have a propensity to be attracted to guys who contain similar characteristics to the men whom they grew up around. This group of men includes fathers, brothers, uncles, best friends. No matter how close those individuals may be to you or how much of a hand they had in raising you, if their behavior and/or mannerisms are not ideal (i.e., characteristic of a virtuous man), and that woman is searching for a man who resembles her notion of an ideal man in relation to the men she was raised around who have a not so ideal persona, then she is once again setting herself up for disappointment. People should continue to live in an unfavorable condition just because it is something they are "used to". If I were brought up in an impoverished household (my case wasn't as severe, but not too far off...), I would make every effort to become educated and excel. I would not "settle" for an unfavorable condition just because I was "used to it". I would only be wasting my life.

But getting back to the point at hand, I hope the women who have been seeking "bad boys" will soon open their eyes and realize that they are setting themselves up for disappointment and grief, and give the "good guys" a shot. This will then force the "bad guys" to change their act ("shape up or ship out!"). Ayana, hopefully you will find the right one for you. But just make sure you REALLY know what you are looking for before you begin your search. Because "all that shines isn't silver!".

Libby said...

Ahh, but now you're not. :-)