I will be successful... at something...maybe...

So, you know how those interviews with super successful people go:

Interviewer: So, when you first started doing x did you know that it would become what it has.
Super Successful Business Person: No, I had no idea!  I was just doing my thing with no ambition, whatsoever and BAM, I became successful.

Well, that probably WON'T be me.

It is kinda embarrassing to admit, but I think/hope/dream I am going to be successful at EVERYTHING I do.  I thought I was going to be a *famous* engineer.  Before I graduated, I saw myself speaking at conferences, writing (engaging) papers, explaining how to best implement a new technology into fighter jets...  Instead, I was doing testing, editing papers explaining old technology, running errands - like mailing off classified boxes.  It sucked.

Me, at my desk at my engineering job (writing a blog post, apparently)...

So, I quit.  And became a teacher.  I thought I was going to be like that teacher on Lean On Me, changing those kids lives.  I was going to teach them that math was fun - and even though it would be challenging, they could learn it!  In fact, they could learn ANYTHING.  Well, that was a colossal FAIL, also.

Me, modeling my wears.

Items for sale at a craft fair.

So, I quit.  And I was a stay-at-home mom.  When I quit my teaching job I thought: "Oh yeah, here is my chance to do my crafts full time.  I will build up my AyanaRED brand, I will make stuff and sell it in my etsy shop...  I will be like those famous Etsy Sellers.  Maybe I won't make a lot of money, but at least I will be some making money doing what I loved (which is what those famous Etsy sellers always say)... Well, turns out, *not making a lot of money* is an understatement. When I did the calculation, I was making somewhere close to $1-$2/hour.  AND I hated making the same stuff over and over again.


Then I started working at a for-profit school a.k.a a complete rip-off, pretend-education, joke-of-a-school.  I can't even type the name because 1.) They would probably sue me with their super high-priced attorneys and 2.) if I type it out, I will be seeing their ads in my gmail for months.  This school charged for an associate's degree about twice what I paid for a bachelor's degree at a private school.  And um, I am STILL paying off my student loans!  Honestly, I did not have extremely high hopes of becoming super successful working there.  But I ended up getting fired, anyway.

So THEN, I started vlogging.  And I immediately saw myself as one of those famous mommy vloggers who just shows her everyday life and people watch - and they get thousands of subscribers and sponsers...  Yada Yada.  Well, I stopped vlogging.  I got sick of it.  I got sick of showing off my junky, dirty house.  I got sick of ALWAYS carrying the camera.  I got sick of spending time editing.  Do you know that I spent a good 1.5-3 hours editing every.single.night?  Honestly, I LOVE editing videos.  I just don't love spending time every.single.night.  And, making those videos is like entertaining company.  It is really nice, sometimes - just not everyday, ya know?

Me, vlogging...

And now?  What I am I doing?  I am trying to become an artist.  Yes, I have high hopes for that also.  I plan to open my etsy shop up as an art gallery and sell my art and prints of my art and get a deal with a card company or something and sell the images - oh and maybe illustrate children's books too... Yeah, I plan to become a famous artist.

My latest painting...

Ha!  We'll see how that goes.