Monday, August 18, 2008

So, I don't like teaching.

Besides the fact that a lot of the kids are rude, spoiled, and obnoxious (to be fair, they say I have an attitude problem). I just don't like the work.

You know people who talk just because they like to hear themselves talk? Well, I am the opposite of that. I do not like to talk and I hate to actually hear myself talk. Of course I am distracted and don't mind if I am conversing about something new and exciting. (This may be why I hate small talk.)

I know what you are going to say: "But you are TEACHING something new and exciting for the kids". It may start out that way. But once you've explained something to the same group of students (something they should learned years earlier, ANYWAY) 4 or 5 times (and they just talk while you are explaining) and they complain that they don't understand because you don't know how to teach (they know that it's my first year - so they like this excuse). The whole 'new and exciting' thing wears a little thin.

Another thing I miss is not being around intellectuals. Granted, intellectuals can be too competitive for my taste, egotistical and snotty - I still prefer to hang with them. Not that the teachers and administration are not smart... I just wouldn't consider them intellectuals.

I guess I am just disappointed in myself for thinking that I would actually enjoy teaching. What kind of person does not know these things? I figured that teaching would be like tutoring (which I DO enjoy) on a much larger scale. I thought that the warm and fuzzies I feel with I am tutoring someone and they finally 'get it' would be times 20 or however many people are in my class.

Well the warm and fuzzies are more like fire-hot-pricklies. All of the turmoil that it takes for them to actually 'get it' takes up every ounce of my energy. And it requires a lot of convincing for me to not just walk out during a lesson to my car and drive 0.6 miles back home. J/K it's not that bad.

But I do have to think of a really good reason not to crawl back to Ga Tech and beg for my old position.

16 comments:

Steph said...

you have to discover the real reason you wanted to teach! was it for you or for the kids? then you might want to ask yourself if you're teaching in an area that best suits you. for instance, you might want to try working in a private school or a school with more parental support (like the kids you tutor).

Anonymous said...

OMG this is exactly how I'm feeling right now!! I could have wrote the exact same ramblings! I'm currently doing my PGCE and I'm not liking it much. I like working one to one, I like working with groups at a time, but whole class teaching - not for me. I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of person and I'm also disappointed in myself for thinking that I could do this. Applying for the PGCE was a last minute thing for me, it was never a life long dream.

I can share your feelings about wanting to be around intellectuals, it's difficult for me to get down to the children's levels. I just don't think I'm cut out to be a teacher. Hence I'm quitting the course!

Ayana said...

Awww, sorry anon. Although I hate that someone else went through this - finding out the hard way, I am kinda glad that I am not a weirdo - for not knowing myself. LOL. But at least you are not committed to enduring it for a year!

Magnamia said...

Couldnt agree more... I actually left an Engg. degree to become a teacher. Accepted, I still prefer teaching to Engineering any day but it just does not feel as rosy as I thought it to be. Half my energy wanes in getting these kids to just sit and listen, forget getting enthused. Plus, it is so drab... I could so totally get your point of the "intellectual" feel missing... as days pass, life feels like it has lost excitement and challenge.

Sara E said...

Wow, I'm so glad I found this. This is EXACTLY how I feel...I'm 2 months into my teaching degree and I hate it! I'm going to withdraw.

Anon...I'm glad I found someone else in this situation, and Ayana, I know exactly how you feel. I miss when I worked in research...the politics was frustrating, but it was so much more ME

Anonymous said...

I am a first year teacher and I just googled "i don't like teaching" on my planning period and your blog popped up. I swear I could have written this post. Thank you for writing exactly how I am feeling right now so that I know I'm not crazy. I don't like teaching...it's not warm and fuzzy....so much energy is spent repeating myself...and it's not intellectually stimulating. Yet, I feel like a quitter for wanting to do something else. Did you stick with it to year two?

Ayana said...

Hi Anonymous! I didn't even stick with Semester 2! I left after the first semester ended. :)

Ayana said...

But, I must say, that if I could do it all over again (and I wasn't pregnant) I would stick out the first whole year.

Anonymous said...

I am in the same boat. I subbed all over last year and got a full time position this year and thought..hey teaching, kids, organization, i will love it!! NAHT! I am so over lesson planning and whinny kids. I feel like I want to love working with kids. Teaching just burns me out and I am losing my enthusiasm. I don't know what to do. It is good $ and there are good benefits but I am not loving waking up in the morning to do this job. Oh....and I have an undergrad in edu. 4 years gone!

Anonymous said...

I am a physics teacher and let me tell you that your words express EXACTLY how I feel about my job.

I teach because in my country there are not much job opportunities and the only one I have gotten so far is a position as a physics teacher. I thought it would be great, since I always heard teaching was rewarding, but I was wrong. I feel frustrated and sad about this job. Kids nowadays don't worth the pain. They just blame you for they incompetence and lack of intellectual capacity.

I'm doing my best in order to find another job in another area. I wish you good luck.

Anonymous said...

It makes me feel better to see that others find it so exhausting and not rewarding. I have just completed my first year of teaching (middle school), and I never thought I'd make it. Now I am being pressured (by family members) to continue in a job I do not enjoy b/c it pays well. I actually dread work most days. The year turned out well in that the kids scored high on the standardized test that everyone lives for here....but I was sad and unhappy most days in this job. I really, really hope I can find something else.

Nicky said...

You capture just how I feel. I love your blog, you have so much enthusiasm for the things you do and it's quite inspirational to read. Makes me feel like maybe I can do something I love too and not worry that teaching isn't for me.

Krishantha said...

Hello everyone! You don't know how happy I'm to meet a group of people like you, well sort of. I'm stuck in the same problem and the worse thing is I don't have a way out of it. I was considering suicide for a long time now. Even now I was googling suicide before typing the epic sentence "I don't like teaching". I was amazed the way she has written it. I could use exact same words to express myself. Thanks, now I know I'm not crazy. But this isn't gonna change anything. Anyway nice to meet you guys. Hope you're doing well now. The only reason I'm still alive is my love. She can make me smile without even saying a word. So what do you think will I live or die? I really feel free after writing this.

Anonymous said...

I've been teaching on and off for several years and I must admit...it is not fun! I agree with all the previous posts. I am EXHAUSTED at the end of each day and I'm convinced I only use 10% of what I learned in graduate school. I consider walking out of my job most days. Just when I think it isn't worth all of the frustration, as student will tell me something so sweet and endearing like "I'm so glad you're here!" or "This is the only class I like." (and I teach Algebra!!!) It is still the most thankless job I have, but I definitely know I'm making a positive difference.

Corinne said...

Like you, I am also an intellectual and am starting to ask myself, how could have I been so stupid? I though teaching would have been for me, but there the few hugs and thanks I get in a day don't amount to nearly the amount of the exhausting efforts of correction at home, getting the kids to be quiet and listen, try to keep up with the over the top expectations of teachers while trying to prepare students for standardized tests with over the top expectations from them. I do everything asked of me and more, and I'm still being given negative feedback at my job for not looking like I enjoy my job enough. Well, how am I supposed to fake being happy when my students are being given detentions by their other teachers and I, and no matter how many times I repeat the same direction the students still ask the same question. I can tell them, I swear to God, what page to do and write it on the board (for example) and 11 kids will ask me what page to do. I think I am too smart for a job like this and can make money elsewhere without going back to school

Ayana Red said...

Awww, what are you gonna do??