Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Idiot in engineering :(

So I don't know what I want to do with my life. I mean, it looks like I am doing something with my life already now, doesn't it? I have an enginneering job and I am in the Master's program at GT for engineering.... Well, what if I told you that I do not even like enginnering? - That I HATE it. I know, it sounds crazy even to me. How is it that something I loved doing in undergrad, I hate now?

Maybe it's because I feel like an idiot everyday. I can barely do my homework assignments without harrassing my teachers, I do not score in the top 10% on my tests, and I can barely get my assignments done for work in on time.

Undergrad was completely different. My life was school. I had a job - but it was more like free time. I was single - so I didn't have to worry about cooking and cleaning (I don't have to do it now - but I will feel bad if I don't, you know?). I always scored in the top of my class. Everybody (well, my friends, at least) thought I was really smart. Even my teachers complimented my sharpness. I loved it!

But now in grad school, I am in the 50% - and at work, probably the 1% (or would it be considered 99% ).

I just hate feeling so incompetent EVERYday! I know that I am learning - but I am starting to think the only reason I enjoyed engineering in the first place is because it was an ego boost. I liked to work really hard and get really good results. Well, now I work really hard and I barely do average - if that.

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