Thursday, July 20, 2006

Curse Words, Good Hair, and Sisters.

My sister and I got into one of our many arguments on ‘Good Hair’ vs. ‘Nappy Hair’ Sunday when I was visiting. We both have ‘Nappy Hair’, but something about people considering straight wavy hair, “Good Hair” that drives me nuts. Maybe it is because I had a complex about my hair when I was younger. Actually, I’ve only recently gotten over my complex a couple of years ago when I started growing locs.

So naturally, I am all about other black girls ‘freeing their minds’ and going natural. However, my sister believes that wavy, straight hair is ‘Good Hair’ and takes it personal that I consider her permed hair – mediocre. So we argued about it Sunday… until she started using curse words.

Although she is no stranger to profanity, I expect her to not use it when we are arguing. I told her as much. She told me not to expect her to just cut off her use of profanity just because we are arguing. I left.

I don’t like leaving an argument unfinished but I felt like I was being disrespected. And I REFUSE to be disrespected. What am I supposed to do, just sit there while she curses me out?

Anyway, we haven’t really made back up yet. I called her a couple of times. But both of the calls were fruitless. Actually, the last time I called things got worse. Apparently, she has a lot of other stuff going on and she doesn’t feel like dealing with our “small” issue. Maybe it is because I am so emotional, maybe it is because I am sensitive. But I HATE things being unresolved (especially with people I am close to). I believe that in order to have a healthy, relationship (with anyone), issues must be resolved as quickly as possible. When problems aren’t solved, they can easily create other problems.

But what can I do about it? It takes two people to solve the problem. So that leaves me with two options. I can either keep caring a lot and wait until she is ready to deal with it (if she will ever want to deal with it), or I can just stop caring at all.


MHJONES said...

As bothersome as it may seem, if she is not a Christian, it will always be difficult for the two of you to have a close relationship with her.

The two of you work from two distinctly different standards. To be as close as you may want to be will require compromise on your part. And for the Christian, compromise is a real killer.

Nicole said...

MH Jones, the problem has pretty much been resolved, and in my opionion, it has nothing to do with Christianity. It is about having the ability to be open-minded, willingness to comprim ise, and having enough compassion to want to resolve issues. So no, I may not be a Christian to your standards, because I am not heavy into religion, but I do love God and go to him, not a pastor for guidance. We all need help, even the most devout Christians.