Pregnant doll!

Well, first of all, I would like to give credit where credit is due. This girl had this super awesome idea to make a PREGNANT DOLL, which I totally stole. I am assuaging my guilt by giving her credit, and pointing to her site whenever someone comments on my doll.

It took me a really long time - lots and lots of trial and error. I could have just bought a pattern.

But, honestly I don't like to work from patterns. For one thing, I sometimes have trouble following them. For another, they are too restrictive. How is someone going to tell ME what to do?

It was really fun to make, though. She has on a dress that I would love in my size and handmade jasper beaded earrings with sterling silver posts - they would be cute on a 'real' person, too!

The next few pictures are a little graphic. So scroll at your own risk.

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I love how my doll has boobs - which are slightly lopsided, guys who take a closer look keep noticing. But who's boobs are perfect, I ask them.
BTW, she's in labor. I made an actual pocket that the baby can fit in. I guess I should have bent her legs up to imitate the actual pose- but I think you have the idea.

Awww, look at the cutie!

Look Ma! No Ankles!

So I have finally entered the throes of the joys of pregnancy: neck like Flava Flav, splotchy face, swollen feet, bladder with the capacity of a thimble, and constant constipation.... Yep, it's a great time.

The doctors told me to drink more water. The lack of water is why my ankles are swollen and also why I keep having 'fake' contractions (more on that later). Okay, I'll drink more water. Yesterday I drank probably a gallon and a half of water. But remember the tiny bladder?

Yeah, I didn't either. I had to use the bathroom every 2-3 hours. Which got slightly inconvenient at 3am... and 6am. Especially with my stomach all up in the way. Do you know how hard it is to get out of bed with 10 extra pounds of weight on your belly (the baby weighs 7.3 pounds - and I am just guesstimating the fluids)? Really hard. And uncomfortable.

It gets especially uncomfortable sitting on the toilet. Which brings me to the absolute worst symptom of pregnancy: Constipation.

I am not the type of person that likes chillin on the toilet, anyway. Nope, no magazines for me, I am usually out in 30 sec or less. I have a system. I know when to go, how to sit, and when to push.

Well, having this big fat low belly puts a cramp in my system. I have to sit (sorry so graphic) with my legs open - which hinders the bowels from passing - which are rock hard, anyway. The torture of being so close, yet so far... I get chills, I start crying, I call my mom (she tells me to eat some grapes). But I am trying RIGHT now, mom - I can't get up. I meditate, I pray. Lord, please don't let me get hemorrhoids. Finally, I tell E to bring me the canister of Prunes. I eat 5 in a row. It works. But, the stools, the rock hard stools STOP up the toilet!

Can you imagine? Having these evil, wretched stools staring at you indefinitely after torturing you for an hour? Well, it sucks.

And so does the last month of pregnancy.

SYRUP!

I like to cook. Well, my brother-in-law, J, likes to eat - no make that LOVES to eat...for free. Nevermind that he is probably worth about a million dollars he is the cheapest guy I know. But anyway, I like to feed people. So, I feed him over on average once a week (sometimes less when I am mad at him - sometimes more when I am in the mood to cook a lot of food).

On Sunday, I wanted to make a nice brunch - but in the middle of preparing to cook I realized that I did not have enough syrup for everyone. Since, J was coming over, I asked him to bring me some syrup. I am kinda picky about my syrup - and knowing his cheap tendencies, I specify: "Please, bring me Aunt Jemima Original syrup." About 20 minutes later, he calls and tells me that he is at Sevenanda and he's running late and asks if he can just get me some syrup from there.

Sevenanda is our local whole foods co-op, and only carries real maple syrup - which is way better than Aunt Jemima's, anyway. So, of course I say: "Yeah, you can get any syrup from there".

Why did this fool bring me Kroger Value syrup?

He said: "I couldn't see myself spending $8 on some syrup, so I went to the Kroger down the street. They didn't have any Aunt Jemima Original, so I figured if I was going to get the wrong kind, I may as well, get this kind"

What? Why didn't he call me? Why didn't he get some other brand, like Log Cabin? Why Kroger Value - the ABSOLUTE worst (and cheapest, obviously) kind in the city????

I was pissed. I kept giving him dirty looks during brunch and for a few days afterward, whenever I saw him I asked him for my "dang syrup". As a matter of fact, I threated to not invite him over to eat, again.

Well, yesterday, I wanted to make waffles again and I decided to give him another chance. So he brought me my syrup!!!! (with a bow)