School Definately Sux!

Today - I was determined to get my work done. I have homework due tommorow - which I can't do without the help of my teacher. Well, I REALLY didn't want to go. I tried to hint for E to take me, but he didn't get it. So, I had to walk in the pouring rain with a super heavy bookbag - I had to take my laptop (which is kinda old so it weighs like 8 or 9 pounds) because one of the h.w problems require MatLab - for maybe a half of a mile (up hill). I almost turned around a few times. But I told myself - 'I am going to keep going because I want to do everything I can to do well'.

Well, I finally get to the ECE building and walk aaaallll the way up to the 5th floor to my proffesor's office - and GUESS what? Yep, you guessed it. He is not there. There is a note on his door that says he is not having office hours today because he is sick.

I was so dissapointed, I wanted to cry.

So, I had to walk all the way back to work - and it's still pouring down. My pants and boots are getting so wet they are making my legs really heavy and so they are cramping up. And THEN on my way back, I stepped in a huge puddle so I kept feeling a squish-squish between my toes for the rest of the way back.

Finally, I get back to work but i am soaking wet. In my office, I had an extra pair of pants to work out in, socks, an some old ugly comfortable shoes. I put them all on. Well the pants were kinda short, the socks were white, and the shoes were - well old and ugly. I definately looked like a dork. But luckily most people look like that at my job. So no one gave me a second glance.

Idiot in engineering :(

So I don't know what I want to do with my life. I mean, it looks like I am doing something with my life already now, doesn't it? I have an enginneering job and I am in the Master's program at GT for engineering.... Well, what if I told you that I do not even like enginnering? - That I HATE it. I know, it sounds crazy even to me. How is it that something I loved doing in undergrad, I hate now?

Maybe it's because I feel like an idiot everyday. I can barely do my homework assignments without harrassing my teachers, I do not score in the top 10% on my tests, and I can barely get my assignments done for work in on time.

Undergrad was completely different. My life was school. I had a job - but it was more like free time. I was single - so I didn't have to worry about cooking and cleaning (I don't have to do it now - but I will feel bad if I don't, you know?). I always scored in the top of my class. Everybody (well, my friends, at least) thought I was really smart. Even my teachers complimented my sharpness. I loved it!

But now in grad school, I am in the 50% - and at work, probably the 1% (or would it be considered 99% ).

I just hate feeling so incompetent EVERYday! I know that I am learning - but I am starting to think the only reason I enjoyed engineering in the first place is because it was an ego boost. I liked to work really hard and get really good results. Well, now I work really hard and I barely do average - if that.

Please excuse my lack of posting

I think GaTech is turning me into a dork....